Parchment, Jerks, and Maraudering
by BrionyRose17
Summary: Lockhart is a jerk, and Artemis knows it, but when she finds an odd piece of parchment, the fun truly begins. T for mild language


**I am not JK Rowling and do not own anything in this story except for Artemis Sparrow who is my O/C.**

It was a normal Saturday afternoon in the middle of March. I was walking back from a long hard Quidditch practice when two things happened.

About halfway down the hall a piece of parchment was lying at the feet of one of the countless suits of armour in Hogwarts castle. Ordinarily I wouldn't have picked it up as it looked like it had blood on it but something about it caught my interest. I reached down and grabbed it wondering why someone had left it lying there. The parchment seemed well cared for and looked like it was someone's property and something that he or she would miss. I put it in my bag and continued on my way back to Gryffindor Tower.

As I rounded a corner on the third floor my vision was promptly assaulted by a pair of shiny white teeth and wavy blond hair with waaay too much gel along with a shiny gold shirt and a pair of jeans that were so tight I could see more than I wanted to. These items could belong to only one person; Gilderoy Lockhart. (**A/N I don't know if Gilderoy Lockhart went to school with the Marauders or what house he was in but let's pretend that he did.)** I rolled my eyes "Hello Lockhart."

He grinned widely "Artemis, how have you been?"

"Great."

"Excellent, excellent. You look lovely."

My hair was pulled back in a messy bun and I was still sweaty even after a shower in the locker room. I definitely did not look lovely.

I glared at him "What do you want?"

He gave me a smile that was apparently intended to be flirty but came across as a leer. "You know Artemis," he flung his arm around my shoulders, "If you ever need help with your seeking I'm always available. I realize that not everyone can be as great as me and I also realize that the female sex is much weaker and less capable in the world of sports, and so any night you want we can meet on the field, say eight thirty, and work."

I shrugged his arm off my shoulders and turned to face him "Really. You play Quidditch?"

He nodded "Yes and I have to say I am one of the best players on the team."

"What position?"

"Seeker, the same as you."

I raised my eyebrows "That's interesting to know because I've been on the Gryffindor team since second year and I've _never_ seen you _anywhere_ near the pitch."

He smiled at me "That is because I am quite fast."

I snorted. "Or you just don't play Quidditch."

Lockhart laughed again and put his arm back around my shoulders, drawing me close to him. "Oh, Artemis just think, with my help you could one day be great. Set an example that women can be more than simply objects for men's enjoyment!"

This time I threw his arm off and shouted "Seeing as how vaginas are capable of pushing out objects that weigh eight pounds or more whereas your anatomy can be injured by anything you may want to shut up. Also you need to loosen your pants, I don't think anyone wants to see that much of you. If you ever touch me again I'll hex you with that spell James Potter used last week on Filch."

Lockhart's smile faltered for a moment "Artemis you couldn't do that me –"

"Leave me alone or I'll report you for harassment. I know you got Sandra Davis behind the greenhouses two weeks ago and wouldn't let her leave until she snogged you. Amanda Phillips and Janie Simmons are also about to kill you for what you told them and Bethany Abrams. I'd leave girls alone if I were you, Lockhart."

I walked off with my head high and then hurried of to find two of three people: James Potter and Lily Evans, the Head boy and girl, or Cromb, the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain. I found the Quidditch captain in the library and walked over "Cromb, I need to talk to you."

He glanced up "Sparrow?"

"Yeah," I sat down next to him "I just had a rather disturbing conversation with one Gilderoy Lockhart."

Cromb groaned "Again? I told him to stop after Tanya Edwards reported him to me a month ago."

"Well he hasn't and he's going around telling people that he is the seeker for Hufflepuff."

Cromb's ears went red "I'll deal with it and I'll report him to Sprout. Sorry about that Sparrow, if he bothers you again hex him into oblivion."

"I would've if there hadn't been people around."

Cromb nodded, "Good." I left the library.

James and his friends were huddled just inside an empty classroom whispering nervously about something. I cleared my throat loudly and they whipped around "Potter, I need to talk to you about something important."

"Can't it wait Sparrow?"

"Lockhart just ambushed me in the hall, insulted all women, and clearly stated that he wanted me to have sex with him. I've reported him to the Hufflepuff Quidditch captain and I'm also reporting him to you, Lily, and McGonagall."

James's eyes narrowed "He _what_?" I repeated what I had just said and James stormed off to find Lockhart.

Sirius narrowed his eyes. "What else did he do?"

"Well he was wearing pants that showed quite vividly what he wanted."

Sirius looked disgusted. Remus gave me a sympathetic smile "Sorry about that Artemis."

"It's okay. What were you whispering about? Another prank?"

The three of them glanced at each other "Say, Sparrow, " began Peter "You haven't found a piece of parchment around here have you? Remus lent me his notes for Transfiguration and I let Sirius borrow them but they've disappeared." I shook my head. He nodded and sighed.

James came back in "That's the last time Lockhart will ever bother a girl at this school. I told Lily and McGonagall and I uh, might've cursed him. Hufflepuff's captain and a bunch of other girls were around too."

"Great, I knew there were others." He nodded and I turned to leave. "By the way you haven't seen Peter's potions notes have you?"

"You guys managed to lose both Remus's Transfiguration notes and Peter's potions notes?"

James smacked Sirius on the back of the head and Remus cut in "Yes, if you see them will you let us know?"

"Sure."

"Oh, we wrote them in invisible ink so-"

"That might make them harder to find."

"We know."

I bid them goodbye and went up to Gryffindor Tower. I had just given the password when Lily came flying up "Artemis! James just told me about Lockhart . McGonagall's given him a week of detention for every girl he's done that to and taken points off his house."

I smiled grimly. "Great. That's what, fifteen or twenty?"

She nodded and we went into the common room. I took a shower and then ran to dinner. Afterwards I sat in the Common Room with Lily and Alice until two. I didn't remember the mysterious piece of parchment I'd picked up before Lockhart harassed me until after the others had gone to sleep.

I grabbed my wand from the bedside table and hissed _Lumos. _Light flared from the tip and I looked at the parchment. Could this be the piece of parchment the Marauders were trying to find? I tapped it "Reveal to me what you have hidden." Suddenly words began to spill across the surface of the parchment.

_Mr. Padfoot would like Miss Sparrow to mind her own business as she has already figured out two of our secrets which we consider very scary._

_Mr. Moony would like to remind Miss Sparrow that knowing too much usually results in something quite grievous happening to the pursuer of the knowledge._

_Mr. Prongs would like to remind Miss Sparrow that she has Quidditch practice again tomorrow and that she should get some sleep and leave other people's secrets alone._

_Mr. Wormtail would like to inform Miss Sparrow that it is a common courtesy to return things to their proper owners and that she shouldn't mess with things if she can't see where they keep their brains._

I grinned, beginning to see that I could, and should, respond. "Miss Sparrow would like to tell Messieurs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs that she knows who they are."

_Mr. Padfoot would like to respond with a 'no you don't.'_

"Yes I do, Mr. Padfoot."

_Mr. Moony would like Miss Sparrow to give back the map _

_Mr. Wormtail knows Miss Sparrow is rolling her eyes_

_Mr. Padfoot frowns deeply at her _

_Mr. Prongs would like to have his map back_

_Mr. Moony sees that Miss Sparrow is disinclined to accquiest his request_

_Mr. Padfoot is confused_

_So is Mr. Wormtail_

_Mr. Moony rolls his eyes at them and informs them that Miss Sparrow says no._

_Mr. Prongs would like to inform Miss Sparrow that if she does not give the map back he will be forced to hex her._

"I would like to remind him that if he hexes me, I will inform Lily, who is still debating accepting his wish for her to become his girlfriend."

_Mr. Prongs wishes Miss. Sparrow good luck with the map_

_Mr. Padfoot is irritated with Mr. Prongs_

_Mr. Wormtail would like to know why Mr. Prongs is still so easily swayed by Lily who _still_ is not his girlfriend_

_Mr. Moony sighs and glares at Mr. Wormtail_

_Mr. Wormtail would like to know why he is being glared at_

_Mr. Prongs thinks Lily is the most beautiful things on the planet and -_

_Mr. Moony would like to direct Mr. Wormtail's attention to the comment above _

_Mr. Wormtail nods and rolls his eyes_

_Mr. Moony agrees_

_Mr. Padfoot wonders why Miss Sparrow has been so quiet_

"I would like to remind Mr. Padfoot that it is none of his business what she does because he is constantly up to no good and she will always solemnly swear by this," I said.

_Mr. Prongs is now scared_

_Mr. Moony is now practicing Occlemency_

_Mr. Wormtail has gone to find a tinfoil hat _

_Mr. Padfoot wonders why they are scared_

_Mr. Wormtail sees Miss Sparrow grinning_

I thought for a moment about what I had said that had scared them.

"I solemnly swear that Sirius Black is up to no good." Nothing. "I solemnly swear that the Marauders are up to no good." Still nothing. I tried for more than an hour and then finally, frustrated snarled "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good." At once lines spread across the parchment becoming Hogwarts Castle. Wow. Where those... footsteps? To everyone in the castle? I could see everybody and everything in the whole castle and on the grounds! This was insane! Nonetheless, I slipped out of bed, pulled on jeans and a sweatshirt and spent the rest of the night exploring the castle.

I got back around eight the next morning

"Damn, boys, you did well_. _How do I close it?"

_Since you're so smart you get to figure it out yourself_

"Thanks Potter."

_Damn!_

_Your mischief is managed Sparrow, now go away._

I stared "Mischief Managed?"

The map went blank.

That afternoon after practice I found James talking to Sirius by the broom shed. "Potter! Black!"

They turned. "Hey Sparrow," they replied in sync.

"I found this, I think it's the notes you were missing."

James took it "Thanks, Sparrow."

"You're welcome." I walked away.

When they thought I was out of earshot I heard James hiss to Sirius, "Do you think she figured it out?"

"Not a chance."

I smothered a laugh and went to find my friends.


End file.
